Do you relate to this story?
“It is late on Saturday night and a man and a woman in their late twenties are getting ready for bed. As they drift around their rooms, attending to the minutiae of life, they are naked. For them, this is usual and of no sexual importance. They are no longer excited by simply being naked in each other’s presence. In fact, they now scarcely notice each other’s bodies. As it is Saturday night, they know they will have sex before the go to sleep. Yet, as they vacantly pursue their separate routines, there is no hint of foreplay, even when on occasion their paths cause their bodies to brush past each other.
It is a week since they had sex – last Saturday, in fact. Four years ago, when they first met, they had sex at least once a day (except during her menstrual periods, when neither of them was particularly keen). In those early days they would have ridiculed the possibility of intercourse only once in a whole week. Now, once a week had become more and more common, even though their usual routine was still to have sex twice a week. Until, that is, two months ago when they had given up using contraception.
Not that they were in any rush to have children. They hadn’t yet contemplated the earnest nightly conception campaigns that some of their thirty-something friends had delighted in describing to them. Rather, they preferred to leave it to fate (and so far fate had decreed “no conception”). They had both found mild sexual excitement in the possibility of conception and for a while their rate had returned to three or four times a week. This week, however, had been different. A couple of separate nights out and, if they were honest, an unexplained coolness between them had conspired against their every quite getting round to sex. The usual warmth of their relationship had not fully returned until this Saturday morning as they drove on a pre-arranged visit to her sister. Even now, as they eventually got into bed they could both still feel the legacy of the week’s coolness. It was with some tentativeness that the man made his first faltering contacts with his partner’s bare body. Once started, however they quickly skipped into their usual routine. “
This story comes from the book Sperm Wars by Robin Baker, pages 6-8. I have used it here as it is a very typical description of mediocre sex. Most of us have no idea why sex gets to be like this. Furthermore, how do we reverse the process and feel the passion again?
Could you see what was going on?
- Neither of them were really open to each other.
- They no longer saw each other as sexy.
- Sex had become a routine.
- The thought of having children stimulated them for a short time.
Our sexuality is a growing thing. It takes curiosity, skill, love and practice to keep our passion alive and our courses teach people how to do this.
Have you been in this situation? Your comments please.
The story continues in the next blog….