Elayne’s Story – Sexuality Instructor at Sexuality New Zealand

Elayne has been working as an Aromatherapist, Healer and Bodyworker for 14 years and she specialises in relaxation massage. Over the years she has taught classes in Tao Yin Yoga, Women’s Health, Tao of Healing Love to men and women, Massage and Sensual Massage and Healing Made Easy.

Credentials and Training: Certificate in Adult Teaching, Diploma in Aromatherapy, Tao of Healing Love Instructor (Universal Healing Tao from Master Mantak Chia), Chuluaqui Quodoushka I (Spiritual Sexuality), BodyTalk level 1 and 2, Reiki, Non Violent Communication, Self Defence, Chi Nei Tsang, Human Growth and Development, Kinesiology, Natural Fertility and numerous small courses on healing and massage.

Passions: Elayne’s passion to teach people in a practical way about their bodies, sexuality and intimate connection in a healthy way. For many years she has been working as a healer and masseuse with a focus on nurturing through touch and working with an open heart.

Her Story: “I began learning Aromatherapy 14 years ago after traveling overseas. As a part of this training, I started receiving massage and discovered that I had a body and experienced sensations I had never felt before. I realised that my body was “closed off”, and sex was painful for me. A friend introduced me to two women who taught about sexuality, and I found out it was healthy for women to have orgasms. In fact there were many benefits – far more than I knew! These women also taught me that there are certain things that poison sex – anger, to name one of them, and I had a lot of anger.

I developed a condition that made me feel fatigued all the time, and over a two year period involving healing, counselling for the anger, much support from my family and friends and the use of herbs, I became well again. With that came my sex drive, and I didn’t know what to do with it. Mature men in my world were very “direct” about sex, and I was like a 17-year-old – shy and uncertain. My sexuality plagued me, and in the end I decided to take the bull by the horns and learn about it. I went on a sexuality course, Chuluquai Quodoushka. This course is a Native American teaching on sexuality. It is in fact a medicine wheel. Yes it was challenging, but I kept seeing myself as a student and allowed myself the experiences needed to take the next step. The course was fascinating, teaching me about sexual anatomy, how to ask for what I want, how to set boundaries and make sexual agreements, what my body loved. I discovered that I had many ways of expressing my sexuality, and experienced new horizons as a woman.

After that course, things changed for me a lot. I was able to set boundaries with men, and learned how to “ask” for what I wanted. I started to understand what I needed as a lover and what crucial things were necessary for me to have an orgasm. Eventually I did start having orgasms again – I was very determined to shift what was in the way, and find out what they felt like. I learned how to give and enjoy the giving, as well as the receiving. I experimented with what I had learned from the Quodoushka course, and gradually the teachings became part of my life.

I still had difficulties with my hormones, so my sex drive fluctuated. Over time, I learned to read the signs and used herbs to help me stay healthy.

I developed the ability to intimately connect with another person through many years of massaging and working with people. My heart opened more, and I started loving myself. I let go of the past and understood myself. Relationships came and went, and all the while I kept up with counselling, reading and learning about how to relate better.

Parallel to this training, I started learning about the Universal Healing Tao. This is a system designed to cultivate energy (chi), good health, foster self-love, and grow spiritually. It has had a huge impact upon my life, and I love to teach it! There are many aspects to the Healing Tao, and one of them is the Tao of Healing Love. This teaches how to balance our sexual energy with our heart energy, and use it for health and longevity. I liked it because it was practical and I could actually experience the benefits of doing the practice. It helped me immensely in my private practice as well as my personal life. It sets out a way of working with our sexuality on our own, and then how to use the practices with another person. The self cultivation helps balance hormones, balance the sex drive (too little or too much), increases vitality, helps process emotions which come up when you fall in love and teaches ways for couples to come together in intimate union.

I teach aspects of the Healing Tao in all my classes and people love it. They say it is so practical and can feel the benefits immediately.

Over the years, many people have talked to me about their sexuality and their issues, and we have looked at ways to resolve difficulties in their relationships. I have a curiosity about sex, intimacy and relationships, which spurs me into delving into the subject over and over again. How do we have deep loving relationships on a practical, down to earth level? Some of the issues people have are due to lack of knowledge, others are due to a physical problem, and finally they may be emotionally based – sex is a tender subject!

Occasionally couples ask me to teach them sensual massage, and it gives me great pleasure to provide information which ultimately deepens their relationship with one another.

The story doesn’t end here; I will always be learning and growing. This truly is a work of love, exploration and beauty.

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